I am Fat, Passionless, and Ugly! Story of Ari's Life

Why can't I look like Jake?  So he says, Mummo can't talk about him because she is perfect but I am free to complain because I am fat and he is perfect.  FML.  If only, my biggest problem was what I am going to wear for the photo shoot I would not have much to complain about. But instead, I am a fat, passionless, failure. Coming to terms with the simple fact that I will NEVER, I repeat NEVER look like Jake is shitty! THIS is EXACTLY why I have not come to terms with it yet! I mean I could not eat for a year, and still have an ass the size of Texas. He takes a shit and looses 8 pounds, I eat an apple and I gain 10! Explain to me how this is possible? I run 6 miles, 7 days a week, barely eat and Jake just had a 3x3 with animal style fries, and he is taking his ripped, perfect self to a photo shoot, and I won't eat for three days and the only place I am going is fat camp! 

I have wanted to be in the acting world my whole life. Jake has only recently wanted to be a model, only because Mummo and i said that he should. He goes to get a job at the last minute and the next thing you know BAM, he gets a gig.  Don't get me wrong, i am happy for him and wish nothing but the best, BUT at some point life has to throw me a bone. I mean shit, i feel like Kathy Griffin, i work twice as hard to get half as far. This is my life on the D list no the F list for fat loser.  So yeah, i have many issues. But that isn't a shocker to anyone that knows me. 

Ari

"Live, learn and have faith"......so they say!

I'm Too Sexy ........

What can I say....it is fucking fantabulous to be me!  Hollister just called and YES, they want to shoot more pix of me.  

Jake

Live, Learn and Have Faith

I Can't Believe She ate the WHOLE Thing!

Okay, so when we said nothing comes between Bumples and her cake, we meant exactly that!  We knew she took her eating seriously at 26 months of age when Bumples was on In-N-Out cheeseburger number 5 and was sad it was the last one!  She started to cry like she had not eaten in a week!  That just set the pace for what was to come.  While other 4 year olds are concerned with sand boxes, puzzles, and Mc Nuggets, Bumples has what we would refer to as a cultivated palate.  There is not a morsel of food eaten in our home that she has not thoroughly inspected for taste, texture and quality before anyone else can pop it in their mouth.  Do not think you can discretely place so much as a stick of gum in your mouth without Bumple's uncanny radar for food being alerted!  She will seek you out and quiz you as to 'what is in your MOUF' until you confess and more importantly offer her some of whatever you may be chomping on!  There simply is no turn off valve inside of Bumples.  Therefore is it left to us to try and portion out her meals and treats according to what is enough for a 4 year old.  She just does not get that there is a relationship between the size of her belly and her ability to fit into all the 'tute' clothes she wants us to buy her.  While she is very apt to enthusiastically point out every perceived physical defect she spies in others, she just can not wrap her little head around the fact that there is more then a simple correlation between what one eats and the size of their thighs...... but lord help you if you are fat.  She will let you know!  Sometimes she gets desperate and it is game on !  This only happens if she is denied desert as a consequence of some sort of inappropriate behavior (which is in fact rare for the 4 year old going on 24!).  Once after such a deprivation, Bumple was found on the kitchen counter with BoBo, eating an entire apple pie!  She once stole an entire fun pack of redvines from the Bean, and stashed them in various hiding places in her room.  She has been known to deny a chocolate binge with the dark stuff smeared all over her little face!  Yikes.  But do NOT get between Bumple and her cake!  She will mow you down, walk over your face (in baby Prada), and lump you up!

Live, learn and always have faith

Minor Road Blocks

In life you will come to meet certain people who are able to penetrate your walls of protection and bring you to become vulnerable. Those people for me are few and far between. I don't trust and i don't have faith in the human kind to be truly genuine and sincere about ANYTHING. 

I just got out a long term relationship, with someone who i thought i could trust. I did not start out with that opinion, but at a certain time in a relationship, for it to go further you have to become vulnerable and that's what i did. Expecting that in return. I mean usually people only ask for what they are willing to give back to someone. At least that is what i thought. Not only did i break down and become vulnerable, which for me is HUGE, I get betrayed by the person for whom i let my walls down. That's just a slap in the fucking face. It has ruined any and all faith i have in people. 

To be dumped in general is a shitty experience to go through, especially if you genuinely  had emotions involved not just the fake running a game on someone. But lets just add being dumped on your birthday, and then be given only bull shit answers and reasons as to why you are being dumped on your birthday. So you are left with this mind fuck of emotions, and questions, and wondering what could you of possibly done wrong. Now that is a shitty gift. A gift that keeps on giving. That's what i would call that. So everyday it festers in your head and you relive every moment leading up to that point and dissecting it to see if you could see any signs of it, or maybe see what you could of done different.  I mean to be told that you are "to good of a person to be with someone like me" is total bullshit. That is the ultimate lazy ass cop out of an excuse. I mean shit, i think that it would of been easier to handle, if i was just told that i am just not into you, or i am over you, or the infatuation is over, i mean shit i would of been mad and probably thrown a punch, but still i would of gotten over that. It's a real truthful statement and really isn't truth the only thing people want from their significant others. 

Then to add to that, adding this statement, " i want you in my life, i want to be your best friend, and i want you to be mine." HAHAHAHAH.....are you kidding with this shit? You dump me on my birthday, you ruin all faith i have in people, you mind fuck me, and you want to be "Best friends" with me? Now that is some crazy bullshit. I would rather you come after me with razor blades and lemon juice. Last time i checked "friends" don't make "friends" feel disposable, and friends are truthful with each other. Friendship is what all relationships should be based off of. Friends don't fuck friends over. That's just not how it works. 

When are people going to wake up and see that, loyalty, trust, and respect are important qualities in other people. Not fake, small talk, social climbing, unemotional bullshit. Just mean what you say and say what you mean. That's really not so damn difficult and if you cant tell the truth then don't bother being any one's "friend", or significant other. 

Ari

"Live, Learn and have faith.....Maybe"

Open Chest, Yank Out Heart..... Ouch!

Who does this?  DP proposes, "MG, from the bottom of my heart I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"  Seems pretty straight forward.  After a year and a half of dating.... it was time.  After all, he was 56 years old, a leader of people, and a veteran of a 20-some year marriage to a woman who left him for another man.  He was no stranger to pain or loss.  He was intimately familiar with cheating and lies.  He always demanded 100 percent authenticity and integrity from me. So i say yes, he puts a big fat ring on my finger, announces to the entire free white world that we are engaged, and getting married, makes me a part of his family, completely integrates me into his work life......AND THEN the roller coaster ride begins. DP, on the down low, tells his family to back the fuck off, round 1 is he wants to postpone the wedding date for a year. Round 2, is that after 2 yrs together, he's just not down with the idea of having to live with my 5 yr old. Round 3, is that he just doesn't know if he can ever get married. Round 4, is that he no longer has time to express love for me, and finally round 5, is that he loves me wayyyyyy more then he loves himself, therefore i can just get the fuck out of his life. WTF! So let me understand how this works? I am beautiful, I'm hot, I'm intelligent,I'm self sufficient, I'm honest, respectful, reliable, responsible, i loved him unconditionally despite his age, his selfish ways, his infirmities, his funky house, by funky i mean SHITTY, his latex gloves, his crazy yodels, his twitching feet, his funny walk, and his goofy smile; I just wanted to spend the rest of my life making memories with him and for this he ushers me out of his life. With a " if i change my mind, i will connect with you ASAP, hope you have fun driving across the Mojave by your self in the dark!" Like i asked who does this? Is it me? Should i have just been a lying, cheating,calculating, self motivated, unpredictable, manipulative bitch? Maybe he would be snoring next to me right now, happily married ever after. FML!

Mummo

"Live, learn and have faith"

Model Status

On the job hunt yesterday with the HBIC and the JBIC...Mummo and Ari, a nice opportunity came my way. Last stop of the day was at the mall, and Ari pretty much said that Abercrombie and Hollister hired guys with perfect bodies to greet people at the door. Abercrombie only hired 18 and older so that was a total bust. But when i went to Hollister, that's when shit went my way, as usual. Walked in, went to the front and out of a line of 20 guys i was chosen right away for a "personal" interview. Pretty sure the manager had the hotts for me. Next thing i knew i had the job and needed to come in the next day to take some photos for corporate to see if they wanted to use me for the face of the store. Pretty funny that on a job hunt for Ari, he ends up getting me a job. Just his fuckin luck. hahaha

I am officially a Hollister Floor Model!!! As long as I do well on my first shift, I should be set! Wish me luck!

-Jake

"Live and learn, and always have faith"

Meet the Krunkles

Most of us have always heard that famous quote, Never judge a book by it's cover. Well we are here to tell you, that you damn well better believe it. Things are NOT always what they seem. That is Krunkle. That is who we are. You love us, you hate us, but yet you are always fascinated by us. We are the family everyone wants to be.

We are totally unexpected on every level. From our house to our cars, to our lifestyle to our looks, to how we talk and how we are educated. From our reputations to what is actually real. From here on in you can judge for yourself. Meet the family.

Meet the HBIC.."Mummo"
A picture perfect blonde bombshell. Pretty much an exact replica or life size Barbie, but with a brain. With 2 masters degrees, and 2 undergrad degrees, a cosmotology license and a PSY.D., she is not what you expect. She says what she means and means what she says. You dont bullshit the bullshitter. She can run a game on you and wrap you around her finger, and use you at will, or she can let you in and you will have a true friend, with a huge heart. She is an unstoppable force, and a force to be reckoned with. She is looking for Mr. Right but Mr. Right better have the right stuff.

Meet the number 2 HBIC..."Rere"

She's a down to earth, girl next door with an acid tounge that will bring you down to your knees. She is beautiful and talented. She's spiritual, nurturing and hard working. She doesnt take shit from anybody, and does life according to Risa. She owns her business but still wants to figure out who she wants to be when she grows up. At the end of the day she does what she wants, when she wants to. But make no mistake she will give you the shirt off her back and hugs when you need them. She finally found Mr. Right, but we just hope the he knows what he has gotten himself into.

Meet Adam.."Boo boo"

He's the fucking BOSS. He is 6ft tall 230 pound brick wall. No bullshit, straight talking, head of the family with big broad shoulders. He is the enforcer. When Adam talks, people listen. He has great perception, and can read people very well. He has a logical way of thinking. A heart as big as the ocean, with an iron fucking will. Despite the fact that he's a soilder in the U.S. Army, his word is respected, we always keep in mind what Adam would want for us, and that's what we do.

Meet Kevin.."Foofie"

He is the warrior and the fighter of the family. He's a hooligan, he's a hustler. He does what needs to be done. Or how he thinks shit should be done. He lives in the no fear zone, no one can run a game on him, and can survive on zero. NO one can threaten him with anything. There is nothing he wouldnt do for the people who he loves and respects. If you are not respected by him you are NOTHING to him. His good looks and swag, knock you off his game, you never know what to expect when you see him. First appearnces dont account for anything when it comes to Kevin.

Meet Ari.."JBIC"

He is a blunt, in your face guy. He doesn't care what you think about him. He's got nothing to prove to anyone. He is a fashion obsessed, money drivin, need to be seen, chain smoking, neurotic, uber responsible 19 year old who's got your back when the dust settles.

Meet Jake...."The Bean"

He is the GQ model of the family. From his over 6ft height, to his perfectly ripped body. He is the guy who ALWAYS has an entourage of girls at his beck and call. BUT he is a nerd at heart. Loves technology and is the tech guru. He has a huge heart and compassion for the animal world. Amazing sense of humor, dry sarcastic lib and unrelenting. He always finds a way to get what he wants. Nothing stops him.

Meet Kait..:bumples"

Four and half years old going on 24. She is the DIVA in every sense of the word. All girl all the time, has all the men in the family wrapped. She has no time to learn the alphabet yet knows the name of all of Mummo's MAC lipsticks. She lays out her clothes for the next school day, carries a hand bag, sunglasses and cell phone. She is very clear about how she feels and what she wants. She will always cheer you up when you are sad, but god help you if you get between her and her chocolate cake!

Meet Eva..."bobo"

Blue nose pitt. She is the family dog. She is the doggie world poster dog for KRUNKLE. Grey, sleak, muscled, scary from a distance but sweet at heart. She is smart, loving and silly. She is loved by all and hated by no one. All the dogs wish they were her.

Now that you know about the key players in the family, you can expect the following. You will, laugh with us, cry, get nervous, get rich, get depressed, go on vacations, get fat, get skinny, get botox, handbags, photo shoots, and always live life to the fullest. We never have a dull moment just wait and see for yourself.

"Live and learn, and always have faith"